I'm a talker.
I love to use my voice to show my excitement, my sorrow, my fears, my dreams, etc. So, deep breath....Here is my attempt to explain my honor of you, my gratitude toward you and my absolute love toward you and our precious son. I hope and pray you will understand my heart even though you can't see my face or hear my voice.
I'm really into the meanings of names and so I thought I would look up what your name means. It means, "people of victory". How beautiful is that?! You are a victorious person! I thought I would take a stab at defining what your name means to me.
Nicole: One who is courageous and laughs in the face of danger. Someone who thinks of others before herself. Easygoing. Strength and honor. Loves to laugh. Surrounds herself with good people.
Heroic.
Nicole, I know I've said it before, but you are my hero. You CHOSE to give your son life and you CHOSE for him to be loved by an army of people for his lifetime. There aren't too many girls who would have made that choice for themselves or their child. You chose to think of his life above your own and that is honorable and beautiful.
I love that you understand adoption. I love that you educated yourself about it and that you pursued it heartily. I love that you invited friends to help you choose and that you allow people to speak into your life but you are not afraid to be you. I love that you chose us. ;) I love that you allowed kids at the high school to come and touch your belly and to be a part of this awesome adventure you've been on. I love that you pursued God through this journey. I love that you cared about what you put into your body so you wouldn't harm our son. I love that when you met us there was an immediate connection and it was so easy. I love that you loved Hunter right away and allowed him to be a big brother right away. I love that you allowed us to know your family. (Dennis, Connie, Kristen, Kyle and Chase-we are honored to raise a part and piece of who you are.) I love that you honored me by allowing me into the birth room. WOW! I love that I got to see our son come into the world and see how much of a "rock star" you were in delivering him. I love that you spent time with him in the hospital. I love that you let us get to know him right away. I love that you visited and had alone time with him. I LOVE that YOU love Malakai.
You didn't walk away.
You didn't give him up.
You gave him more of a chance.
You gifted him to a family that will love him MUCH!
You gave yourself time to grow up more
and continue turning into the beautiful woman that God has created you to be.
You will have a voice in his life that no other woman will hold.
Since November 2006 I have wanted another child. I've longed, cried, ached and basically screamed at God for this desire of my heart. There have been extreme highs and devastating lows but all of that time has led us here to this moment.
December 3, 2012 was a major highlight of my life because that is the day we heard from Hope's Promise that we were chosen. I had no idea how much I would adore you and then how ardently I would fall in love with our son. I heard this quote once and it really applies to how I am feeling right now.
"Making the decision to adopt a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body."-Elizabeth Stone (italics-Tara Powers)
My heart has been connected to yours for eight months and will be forever.
Love,
Kai's second Mommy
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